In the last article, we discussed the provider/homemaker (PH) system and how it would win out over the Dual Income (DI) system every time when it comes to career and earning money. By having both spouses working together on one career, with one focused directly on the job and the other taking care of things at home so that the provider can focus on career, a supported single-earner will often end up netting more income than a DI couple, especially if both couples have kids. Trying to do two things makes you less effective at both, where focusing on one thing – and having a spouse that can help out where needed – lets you achieve far more than you could alone.
Today we’ll discuss the other side of the PH couple – the homemaker. Being a homemaker doesn’t mean sitting at home, watching NetFlix and playing with the kids. It also doesn’t mean being run ragged from dawn until dusk while the provider just works eight hours and then relaxes on the couch the rest of the time. Done right, being a homemaker can be very rewarding and result in a much better life for the two of you.
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A homemaker is not a stay-at-home mom
One of the misnomers often seen today is the idea that a homemaker is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). A SAHM is focused on caring for the children and will spend most of her time with the children, including playing games with them and going on outings with little else getting done. As they get older, she’ll start spending a lot of time taking kids to activities and, perhaps, helping out with those activities.
Certainly taking care of the kids is part of the homemaker role, but there is a lot more to it. When children are young, they will require a lot of care and attention. As they get older, however, they will be able to become much more independent and require little time during the day. In fact, having children who help out around the house can actually reduce the amount that needs to be done by the homemaker or allow him or her to do more. Children can have chores like vacuuming, dusting, cooking or helping with cooking, taking care of pets, yard work, and washing dishes. These activities give the children something to do, free time up for the homemaker, and teach then invaluable skills to use in adult life.
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Responsibilities of the homemaker
A homemaker should spend most of his/her time creating and managing a home. This means creating a welcoming and comfortable environment in which to live life. Certainly cleaning is part of this role (because a dirty place is not a comfortable place), but there is a lot more to it. There is also direct creation of things for the family. This can be homecooked meals, jams and jellies, dried spices and canned vegetables, prepared lunches and meals for use later in the week or month, and clothing and knitted/crocheted items like throws and blankets. It can also be the creation of spaces like living rooms, family rooms, outdoor patio areas, woodland sitting areas and gardens. It can be the development of resources like vegetable gardens, home additions, sheds and garages, and arbors.
If the family chooses to homeschool (and why wouldn’t they?), the homemaker would be the primary instructor. Because most homeschooling is self-taught with guidance from a parent, this would actually not occupy a huge amount of time for the homemaker. Time required would decrease as the children got older and were able to read and learn by themselves. Even when the children are young, homeschooling would take relatively little time since most of the time spent in public schools is just daycare. A couple of hours per day is all of the time required to learn as much as children learn in public school and more.
The homemaker should also be managing the activities of the home, maintaining a schedule of when things need to be done, a list of things needing to be repaired or replaced, and keeping track of family activities. This doesn’t mean that he or she should be keeping everyone’s schedule. Children in particular should learn to keep track of their own responsibilities and mange their schedule. But things having to do with the home fall squarely on his/her shoulders. The homemaker should also be aware of the family finances (if not managing them directly) and be budgeting for expenses and needs to use the resources provided effectively.
Doing things directly for the family is the least expensive way to do things (usually). Realize that if you work a job and then pay someone to do something, you will pay income taxes for your work income and then pay sales taxes and other fees to have the service done and to buy supplies. This can be a savings of 20-40% right from the start. Your labor also doesn’t cost anything in direct dollar terms, so if you do not have the ability to earn money at a high rate, doing things yourself is normally the most cost effective method. It also allows you to learn new skills and can be entertaining.
Other times it may make sense to hire things out, particularly when they fall outside of your skillset, you don’t have the tools to do the job well or quickly, or you just really don’t like to do them. In this case, the homemaker would be responsible, however, to coordinate the workers and make sure the job is done well. In higher earning families, the homemaker may do little direct work him/herself, but still he/she is responsible for making sure the work gets done right. With today’s capabilities to make money from home, a homemaker might also choose to do a side job he/she enjoys and then use the additional resources to hire out something he/she doesn’t like doing like cleaning or laundry.
The homemaker should also help the provider be successful in his/her job/career. The more that the provider can make, the more resources the family will have and the better the home can be. (Obviously, there is a limit here and the family should decide how much is enough and when attention should be turned to family and a balanced life.) The first way the homemaker does this is by taking care of the home and the children so that the provider can focus on work and career. The job needs to come first to be an effective provider and the homemaker makes this possible.
Beyond this, however, is doing things to help the provider directly. This is things like making and packing lunches and making sure work clothes and uniforms are clean and pressed. It is providing advice on career moves and work projects where he/she can. It is also aiding in the business social life of the provider by doing things such as planning activities with other families to make connections and hosting dinner parties with clients and work connections. It can also be reading and providing advice on proposals, editing papers and work documents, and helping the provider prepare for tests and certification exams when expanding skills. Note that these are extra activities that are done when the homemaker has time. The career is the primary responsibility of the provider, so the homemaker helps the provider as time allows just as the provider helps out around the home as time allows.
Can guys be homemakers?
Traditionally women have taken the homemaker role while men have been the providers, but there is nothing saying that these roles cannot be reversed. There may be times when the wife has a degree that allows her to make a high income such as a law degree or an MD. She may also have special circumstances such as being a singer, TV broadcaster, or Hollywood actress. It may also be that the wife prefers to work a career and that the husband prefers to be at home and take care of things there.
A big issue is that it is difficult for men to find acceptance in this role in society, so there is bias that he will need to work through. Many women also have a bias for men that work and make more than they do, but this is foolish if they truly want to work a full career. They will often have a much better life if they have a homemaker helping them rather than competing for career time with another person who is also working to get ahead at their job.
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A guy as a homemaker may be different than a woman. He would still make sure that the kids were safe and things around the home were running smoothly. He would still lead children in homeschooling. But he might spend time doing things that men traditionally do on weekends or which are often hired out during the days rather than many of the things homemaker mothers do. This isn’t because it’s “men’s work” or “women’s work,” but because men are better suited for tasks that require strength, are grueling, or are dangerous.
For example, a man might fix the car or do some home repairs during the week, then the wife might clean the bathrooms during the evenings or weekends. A guy might mow the lawn or clean the gutters during the week, then the wife might decorate the living room on the weekend. He would probably do tasks like laundry, which really just requires a few minutes of attention periodically since the machines do most of the work but require a significant amount of time where someone is there to change clothes out at the right times. Because meals are needed at certain times, he would probably do most of the cooking and keep the kitchen clean since that is required to cook properly. Of course, all couples would find their own system based on what makes sense, the talents each person had, and what each person wanted to do.
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The homemaker is the more important and rewarding role
While the provider/career is often seen as more glamorous and important, the homemaker role is actually more important. The person working a job is going out and gathering resources for the homemaker to use. The homemaker gets to actually create the home that becomes the place the family remembers and creates the memories that make the lives of the family special. Everything that the provider does is in support of the homemaker.
Of course, the homemaker is also the main person who ensures that the children are safe and well cared for. He/she instills values in the children and is their primary teacher, even if they are not homeschooled. The children are the legacy of the family and will be affecting the world long after reports and work meetings are long forgotten.
Being a homemaker can also be a great life with the ability to work for yourself and enjoy the fruits of your labor and the ability to choose your own tasks and where you want to focus. It can be a job with a great work-life balance if done right. This means that the days are used to get necessary work done so that most evenings and weekends are free to enjoy with family. Just as a person works a job and then gets to enjoy time at home, a person who is a homemaker is working a job and deserves to have time off. This should also be family time, when the homemaker and the provider both get to spend time playing with kids. Time during the days is when work is to be done. Obviously you’re still a parent and parenting will be required, but it is a shared responsibility just as it would be if you were both working jobs during your off time.
Being a great homemaker is not easy and when it is done it is a wonder to behold. Having a warm, welcoming home where everyone feels safe and comfortable so that they can do things the enjoy is a true gift. This becomes a place children think of when they’re off in the world and things get hard. This is the product of the homemaker. Knowing that you are the one that created this special place for the ones you love is a great reward, far better than a spot bonus or a plaque for the wall.
To ask a question, email smallivy@smallivy.com or leave the question in a comment.
Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to give financial planning advice, it gives information on a specific investment strategy and picking stocks. It is not a solicitation to buy or sell stocks or any security. Financial planning advice should be sought from a certified financial planner, which the author is not. All investments involve risk and the reader as urged to consider risks carefully and seek the advice of experts if needed before investing.
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